HOW TO WIN AT SLOTS

Everyone wanted me to look, but I said no way, in case the eyes above wanted to dispute my win, if I did indeed have it. Escape the Health Center. The color-coded charts for single deck follow the black and white tables for single deck. Hey guys, went to Viejas last night and had a great session. Trick or Treat Adventure Quest. Some casinos allow players to double down on three or more cards.

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The reason you double on soft hands is not so much to outdraw the dealer as it is to get more money on the table when the dealer is vulnerable to busting shows a low-value upcard of If you follow the hard doubling down basic strategy, your gain will be about 1. What is ironic about doubling down is that with some hands, you will actually be reducing your chances of winning the hand because you get only one draw card.

If you doubled down and drew a 2 for an 11, the only way you could win the hand would be if the dealer busted. Nevertheless the right play is to double down because of the extra money you put into action. If you hit a two-card 9 you stand to win 59 percent of the hands and lose 41 percent of them. Some casinos allow players to double down on three or more cards.

In other words, if you had a and drew a 3 for an 11, you could double down after the third card was drawn. This rather rare option will give you another 0. Some casinos allow players to double down for less. But it is not wise to do so because you will maximize your gain only when you maximize the permissible amount of your double-down bet. Learning the doubling down basic strategy for hard and soft hands is important because it allows you to bet more when the likelihood of winning your hand is good.

As you will learn shortly Chapter 4 , the last decision you should make when choosing which strategy to implement with your hand is whether to hit or stand.

The most frequent playing decision that you will have to make is whether to hit or stand. The worst hands you will get at blackjack are hard 12 through In other words, virtually all these hands are overall losers for blackjack players. You are going to be dealt one of these losers about 4 out of every 10 hands.

You'll still take your lumps but you'll lose less money in the long run when you follow the basic strategy than if you depend upon divine intervention, or worse, play by the seat of your pants. The color-coded charts for single deck follow the black and white tables for single deck. In total, there are nine black and white tables and nine color-coded charts containing the summary for hitting and standing for all games and rules.

The hitting and standing strategies for hard and soft hands are not affected by DAS or NDAS, only whether the dealer stands on soft 17 s17 or hits soft 17 h Whether or not the dealer stands or hits on soft 17 will depend on the game in question.

In most cases the rule will be printed on the table layout. The most common mistake made by novice blackjack players is to always stand on their stiff hands because they are afraid to bust. Stiff means a hand that can be busted by a one-card draw; for example a hard 12 through Since you know the dealer must hit stiff hands by the rules of the game, you should: Consequently, the percentages are slightly better for: When the dealer shows a 7 through A upcard, there is a strong likelihood she will end up with a pat hand i.

As a general rule, you should never stand on soft 13 through soft You are either going to double down per the doubling strategy summarized in section 2. Your goal is to get to hard 17 or soft 18 to 21, with one exception.

When you hold a soft 18 and the dealer shows a strong 9, 10, or A upcard, the percentages are slightly in your favor to hit rather than stand on soft Oftentimes your soft hand will be converted to a hard hand when you hit. For example, suppose you have an A-4 and the dealer shows a 7 upcard. You hit and draw a Suppose you are dealt a 12 against a dealer 2 six-deck game with s The percentage of the hands that you stand to win or lose is: Using either strategy, you will be a net loser: So what would you rather do: If a casino offered you this proposition, would you take it?

You can play blackjack for the rest of your life and they will give you an automatic 18 on every hand. Would you accept this proposition? Most players would because they believe that an 18 surely has to be a winning hand in blackjack.

This is what makes blackjack a tough and sometimes frustrating game. You play by the book yet you still end up with a losing session. It happens because for many of the hands you will be dealt, more so the hard hands discussed in this section, you are, unfortunately, the underdog no matter what playing strategy you invoke.

Next up are the insurance and even-money propositions. Should you make those bets? They are side bets introduced into the game of blackjack to give the perception to players that they will protect their hand against a dealer blackjack. Whenever the dealer shows an ace upcard, the dealer will ask the players if they want to make the insurance bet.

The amount that the casinos let you wager on the insurance bet is equal to one-half or less of the original bet.

If the dealer ends up with a ten or picture card in the hole:. But here are the facts about the insurance bet. In a single deck of cards, we know that the ratio of non-tens to tens is 36 to Assume, after the cards are dealt on the first round, that the dealer is showing an ace and asks if you want to take insurance.

If we ignore for the moment the composition of your two cards, then the ratio of non-ten to tens in the unplayed 51 cards is now 35 to You disadvantage by making the insurance bet is 5.

This is still a bad bet. Some blackjack players argue that you should always insure a good hand like 20 but not a bad hand like the 12, above. They reason that if you take insurance on a 20, you will avoid losing money on a good hand should the dealer end up with blackjack. Sorry, but no matter how you look at it, Blackjack insurance is a very bad bet for a basic strategy player and should be avoided.

Even money comes into play when the dealer shows an ace upcard and you have a blackjack. Notice that will she will pay you even before she looks at her hole card to see if she has a blackjack. Most players are perplexed when the dealer asks them if they want even money and usually they will ask the dealer or a fellow player for advice on what to do.

Even money is equivalent to making an insurance bet when you have a blackjack hand. The fact that players can be paid even money right on the spot regardless of whether or not the dealer ends up with a blackjack appears too good to be true. To convince you what a fool you are for taking even money, let me first convince you that even money is the same as insuring a blackjack hand.

A certain one-unit win is better than no win at all, the reasoning goes, so the masses opt for taking the sure thing — even money. So it all boils down to this — is it better to: The experts in the casino pit say to take the sure even-money payoff, rather than risk the possibility of pushing. But here is the rest of the story. When you are dealt a natural and the dealer shows an ace, the dealer will end up with a ten in the hole for a blackjack 15 times out of 49, or about Written by Henry Tamburin Ph.

Top Menu - Blackjack. Play Now - Online Casino. Top Menu- More Games- Craps. The basic strategy rules for surrendering a hand. The basic strategy rules for splitting a pair. The basic strategy rules for doubling down hard and soft hands. The basic strategy rules for hitting and standing. Insurance and even money. You have and the dealer shows a 3. You have and the dealer shows a You have ace-7 and the dealer shows a 9. You have ace and the dealer shows 4. You have and the dealer shows a 9.

You have and the dealer shows a 7. You have an ace and the dealer has an ace. The dealer asks if you want even money. Should you take it? Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris. For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one. You will score over Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Tom Cruise invented pink.

One roundhouse kick to the face. Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. That is the story of the universe. Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building. Little known medical fact: The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris.

There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage. You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you. He walks through them. James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1, miles became pregnant instantly. Chuck Norris once worked as a weatherman for the San Diego evening news. Every night he would make the same forecast: Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football— in that order.

A high tide means Chuck Norris is flying over your coast. The tide is caused by God pissing his pants. Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face. Chuck Norris can change the laws of physics. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.

They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum. Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold. Chuck Norris is expected to win gold in every swimming competition at the Beijing Olympics, even though Chuck Norris does not swim.

This is because when Chuck Norris enters the water, the water gets out of his way and Chuck Norris simply walks across the pool floor. Chuck Norris built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door. Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Chuck Norris is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

They each have a picture of Chuck Norris punching or kicking a pedestrian. The Army, for fear of Chuck Norris, renamed the tank and promised to develop a weapon more fitting of his name. To date, no weapon created has been badass enough to be named after Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. The first few cuts were completely unbelievable. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror. A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes.

Anytime someone is elected president in the United States, they must ask permission from Chuck Norris to live in the White House.

The reason for this is because Chuck Norris had won every Federal, State, and Local election since He just allows others to run the country in his place. Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris. The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse kick? No one knows because dead men tell no tales.

Wo hu cang long. The translation from Mandarin Chinese reads: His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle. Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it. In an act of great philanthropy, Chuck made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society.

He donated 6, dead bodies for scientific research. He was referring to the Chuck Norris halloween costume he was wearing. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull. Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell.

MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can roundhouse-kick his head through a wall and take it.

Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol. There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist, and Chuck Norris finds it delicious. Chuck Norris began selling the Total Gym as an ill-fated attempt to make his day-to-day opponents less laughably pathetic. Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? On the set of Walker Texas Ranger Chuck Norris brought a dying lamb back to life by nuzzling it with his beard.

As the onlookers gathered, the lamb sprang to life. Chuck Norris then roundhouse kicked it, killing it instantly. This was just to prove that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away. Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground. It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.

It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken. None, Chuck Norris prefers to kill in the dark. As President Roosevelt said: Since , the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13, percent. Crime does not pay — unless you are an undertaker following Walker, Texas Ranger, on a routine patrol.

Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather, roundhouse kicks to the face.

He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you. Chuck Norris does not eat. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is not capable of hitting a target on the broad side of a barn. Every time he tries, the whole damn barn falls down.

Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights. When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris. Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick.

Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe. If Chuck Norris round-house kicks you, you will die. Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.

The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long. He only has two needs: For most people, home is where the heart is. For Chuck Norris, home is where he stores his collection of human skulls. Kryptonite has been found to contain trace elements of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks to the face.

This is why it is so deadly to Superman. Chuck Norris does not have to answer the phone. His beard picks up the incoming electrical impulses and translates them into audible sound.

How many roundhouse kicks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? This never proved to be the case. Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Chuck Norris will beat his ass and take it. Chuck Norris used to play baseball. When Babe Ruth was hailed as the better player, Chuck Norris killed him with a baseball bat to the throat. Lou Gehrig got off easy. He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick.

The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Chuck Norris come off without a hitch. Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.

Chuck Norris does not kick ass and take names. In fact, Chuck Norris kicks ass and assigns the corpse a number. It is currently recorded to be in the billions. Chuck Norris was once on Jeopardy. This show is notable in that it was the first occasion in Jeopardy history that Alex Trebek had appeared without a mustache. They produce tiny white ninjas that recognize only one mission: Chuck Norris has never been in a fight, ever.

Do you call one roundhouse kick to the face a fight? If you were somehow able to land a punch on Chuck Norris your entire arm would shatter upon impact. This is only in theory, since, come on, who in their right mind would try this? He was then awakened from his dream by a roundhouse kick to the face.

Chuck Norris once invited all of the other badasses from TV to duke it out in order to see who was the supreme badass. Only two showed up— Jack Bauer and MacGyver. MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and Gatorade, but Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the solar plexus. MacGyver promptly threw up his own heart. Jack Bauer tried to use his detailed knowledge of torture techniques, but to no avail: Chuck Norris thrives on pain.

The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed… unless it meets Chuck Norris. He refreshes webpages by blinking.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Trivial Pursuit with one roll of the dice, and without answering a single question… just a nod of the head, and a stroke of the beard.

Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time. Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable.

His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth. I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked inthe face by Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris is widely predicted to be first black president. And stop being a racist. Chuck Norris can be unlocked on the hardest level of Tekken. But only Chuck Norris is skilled enough to unlock himself.

Then he roundhouse kicks the Playstation back to Japan. President Roosevelt once rode his horse miles. Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in half the time. Chuck Norris was banned from competitive bullriding after a exhibition in San Antonio, when he rode the bull 1, miles from Texas to Milwaukee Wisconsin to pick up his dry cleaning. The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-.

This is not a coincidence. A man once claimed Chuck Norris kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false — no one could survive it the first time. Chuck Norris owns a chain of fast-food restaurants throughout the southwest.

They serve nothing but barbecue-flavored ice cream and Hot Pockets. Every time Chuck Norris smiles, someone dies. Then two people die. Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first. Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded. Chuck Norris starts everyday with a protein shake made from Carnation Instant Breakfast, one dozen eggs, pure Colombian cocaine, and rattlesnake venom.

He injects it directly into his neck with a syringe. He pinned all 3 at the same time. One in each hand, one in each foot — and the 5th one he roundhouse-kicks into the air, so that it sprays bullets. For undercover police work, Chuck Norris pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest. In the X-Men movies, none of the X-Men super-powers are done with special effects. Chuck Norris is the stuntman for every character. We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is a vegetarian. Meaning, he does not eat animals until first he puts them into vegetative state with his fists. Then two wrongs make a roundhouse kick to the face. Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris let the dogs out… and then roundhouse kicked them through an Oldsmobile.

Chuck Norris can do a roundhouse kick faster than the speed of light. This means that if you turn on a light switch, you will be dead before the lightbulb turns on. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability.

Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states. When adjusted for inflation, the effect cost more than the Gross National Product of Paraguay. Chuck Norris once rode a nine foot grizzly bear through an automatic car wash, instead of taking a shower.

After taking a steroids test doctors informed Chuck Norris that he had tested positive. Chuck Norris does not follow fashion trends, they follow him. But then he turns around and kicks their ass.

Nobody follows Chuck Norris. Diamonds are not, despite popular belief, carbon. They are, in fact, Chuck Norris fecal matter. This was proven a recently, when scientific analysis revealed what appeared to be Jean-Claude Van Damme bone fragments inside the Hope Diamond.

Chuck Norris was the orginal sculptor of Mount Rushmore. He completed the entire project using only a bottle opener and a drywall trowel. The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons, it was meant to recreate the destructive power in a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick. The rest is history. Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. They say curiosity killed the cat. Chuck Norris killed the cat.

Every single one of them. Chuck Norris originally wrote the first dictionary. The definition for each word is as follows — A swift roundhouse kick to the face. Chuck Norris kills all birds, with two stones. The ones in his pants.

It is actually a list of fatalities that occurred during the making of the episode. Count from one to ten. The Miami Dolphins lost one game, it was an exhibition game vs. Chuck Norris and three seven year old girls. Chuck Norris won with a roundhouse-kick to the face in overtime. Chuck Norris has volunteered to remain on earth after the Rapture; he will spend his time fighting the Anti-Christ. With a Roundhouse Kick. In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land.

That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck Norris killed that man. When you play Monopoly with Chuck Norris, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive. Chuck Norris once got into a fight with a one-armed Ninja. Seeing that he had an unfair advantage, Chuck Norris ripped both of his arms off and one of his legs. He then roundhouse-kicked the ninja in the head, killing him instantly, and proceeded to sow his limbs back on using only a rusty tent spike and bailing wire.

Chuck Norris can kick through all 6 degrees of separation, hitting anyone, anywhere, in the face, at any time. Most tough men eat nails for breakfast. For every movie about Vietnam starring Chuck Norris, the historical duration of the war decreases. Chuck Norris enjoys a good practical joke. His favorite is where he removes your lower intestine and pretends to make a balloon animal out of it. Then he cracks your skull open with a Volvo for not complimenting him on his balloon animal.

Life is not, in fact, like a box of chocolates. It is more like a box of Chuck Norris, roundhouse kicking you in the face. During the Vietnam War, Chuck Norris allowed himself to be captured. For torture, they made him eat his own entrails. He asked for seconds. Proponents of higher-order theories of consciousness argue that consciousness is explained by the relation between two levels of mental states in which a higher-order mental state takes another mental state.

If you mention this to Chuck Norris, expect an explosive roundhouse kick to the face for spouting too much fancy-talk.

If a tree falls in the forest, does anybody hear? Chuck Norris hears it. Chuck Norris can hear everything. Chuck Norris can hear the shrieking terror in your soul. Chuck Norris is like a dog, not only because he can smell fear, but because he can piss on whatever he wants.

Chuck Norris neither melts in your mouth nor in your hand. He shreds your trachea before ravaging your soul with a combination of chocolate, whickey, roundhouse kicks and death. People created the automobile to escape from Chuck Norris…Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris created the automobile accident.

Archeologists in India recently uncovered a new dinosaur. The one in the middle is believed to have killed the others with a single roundhouse kick to the face. Norris to be killed. Chuck Norris successfully seperated twins conjoined at the head by roundkicking them in the face.

People have often asked the United States, What is your secret weapon against terrorists? We simply reply…Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris once played rugby by himself. In Desert Storm the reason why the Iraqi army surrendered so quickly because they knew Chuck Norris was coming. Chuck Norris has never looked a baby in the eyes cause it might him cry but if he does it also makes him want to punch a baby.

Chuck Norris does not know about this website. If he did he would have just deleted the internet. But Chuck Norris was displeased by this. So he roundhouse kicked a loaf of bread into slices. Chuck Norris is so bad he makes viruses sick. As such, Chuck Norris is also responsible for the eradication of smallpox.

There are four legal methods of execution in the United States: The United States could save billions in defense funding if they trade the Military for Chuck Norris. When Chuck norris found this web-site while surfing the internt, he round house kicked his computer…10 new facts were added instantly. Chuck Norris could shoot someone and still have time to roundhouse kick him in the face before the bullet hit.

The Seven Wonders of the ancient world were: The casinos just give him stacks of money. Chuck Norris hates to sweat. Chuck Norris likes long walks on the beach, Barry White music, Harlequin romance novels, songbirds, rainbows, and quiet time with his lady…just before he roundhouse kicks her in the face.

If you gave Chuck Norris a typewriter and 0. Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car accident.

The leading causes of death in the United States are: Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean. Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes.

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